His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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