she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
