Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
