the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
