i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
