I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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