Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
