I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Do vagina's smell?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
