I wanna passion pit in your ass
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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