I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
