Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
