Don't you send me to vm
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
