Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
