I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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