Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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