I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
