just come out here and I will go home with you...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
