The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
