TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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