my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
