Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
