he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
