I wanna passion pit in your ass
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
