he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize