you guys were way drunker than both of me
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
