Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
