I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
