My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
