drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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