I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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