Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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