Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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