I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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