He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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