i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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