can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
