you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Four minutes until I can fart!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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