Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
