I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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