i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
