i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
