he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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