Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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