Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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