She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
