Kiss
Puke
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
