shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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