I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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