I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
