Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
