im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
