i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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