I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
