Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
