I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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