I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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