Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
