youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
