the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
