I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
