I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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