frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
