I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
