Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
