im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
