I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
