she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
