i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize