My first STD was from a foam party
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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