remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
