Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
