the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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