I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
