I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
